Things to love

This morning while walking from my car to the office I got the most amazing whiff of bread baking. Do you ever have a moment when a smell, color or sensation makes your feel just delightfully warm inside? Today it was bread. On my way home I had to stop by Safeway to get a few things and even in their bakery things just smelled so warm and yeasty. Since then I've had a craving for some sort of delicious pastry. Maybe tomorrow I will get something or maybe the craving will be over. I just love that smell.

I also love my Topsy Turvy. There are a few of you out there who thought I was crazy for wanting it for my birthday. Check it out!

Do you think I'm crazy now?

It turns out I planted yellow tomatoes

I'll be picking a couple in the next few days. I hope the rest ripen before the first snow.

8 MEG

That's right - that's what we're running at home now! Who needs cable when you can stream our favorite TV shows from the web? We feel so advanced now.

At Peace

I really don't know a better way to describe how I'm feeling - how we're feeling I believe.

We headed out to Billings Sunday after church and getting a few chores done. It rained most of the way there. We had a lovely drive despite the weather. I think the rain helped calm our nerves.

Even though road conditions were not the best we still took some photo opportunities. To capture out journey.

We arrived in Billings and checked into our hotel. We rested for a bit then took a test drive to the CSSM office to make sure we could find it - it was a snap. We then had a lovely dinner and then just chilled and watched TV! What a treat the huge television was. We realized it's probably better we don't have more than just PBS - I can't stand the channel surfing and DH can't stand not channel surfing. We ended up watching a program on Ice Road Truck Drivers. I had no idea there was such a thing. These drivers only work a few months of the year driving over the frozen ocean to the north of Alaska! Talk about terrifying road conditions - it was so interesting.

Our morning was pretty chill - our pre-meeting picture.
We weren't sure how we were feeling, nervous, excited, scared, happy. It's almost like we had our emotions on hold all week. We were holding our emotional breath so to speak. We tried not to have any preconceived ideas or mental pictures of what the meeting was going to be like or what these brave, strong families were going to be like.

We started off with just meeting with the Social Worker Linda. Might I say, she's just the sweetest lady ever!? We just sat and visited primarily, did a little paperwork and asked a few questions.

We met with the Expectant Father and his family which included his mom and two sisters. Everyone is so nice. Naturally there are a lot of raw emotions involved. EF seemed to be a really nice, pleasant, sweet young man. He's 100% a go with the adoption plan. EF is of what I would call average height, dark brown hair and brown eyes. Its been some time since I was around a 17 year old young man but I would call him a typical teenager aside from the fact that he's part of a very grown-up situation. He's a very brave, focused and caring Expectant Father and a Vikings Fan!

We then had a little break.

We then met with the Expectant Mother and her mother. Again, very lovely people and some raw emotions. There is so much obvious love between mother and daughter that it was hard not to get emotional around them. EM is a very strong willed, determined and brave young lady. I feel in my heart she knows in her heart and soul this is the best option for her and her family and an amazing gift to our family and the world. I can't even imagine how I would have dealt with such a situation at her age. EM is what I would call above average height with brown hair and brown eyes and so sweet and charming.

It's hard to articulate how the meeting was and what they were like. Partly because it seems so intimate and private to us and partly because it's hard to put into words.

We then finished up with Linda and headed home. We were literally on the road just a few moments before I conked out! I didn't realized really how tightly wound I was until it was all over and I was just exhausted. I think if we felt any unease with this match I would not have been able to relax. We are really at peace.

Both EM & EF are headed back to school this week. As if High School is not hard enough they are also dealing with this incredible journey - to those who pray, please keep all involved in your prayers.

Harvest Time

I'm pretty proud of myself! In addition to these 4 red, I have about 20 green - I hope they turn. We've also harvested about 10 Hot and Anaheim peppers.

Harvest reminds me of Fall which reminds me of Halloween which brings me to my backyard friends...what do you think? I have about 6 of the monsters that I know of. They are about the size of a quarter and come in a variety of colors. These guys are harmless and probably responsible for the minimal mosquito's we've had in our yard.

These certainly are not the

best pictures of us but I want to have a record of what we looked like.

Monday my horoscope said something along the lines: "today you will learn the world does not revolve around you"

I didn't think much about it however I soon did learn that my world now revolves around the anticipation of the arrival of our son and his birth family.

Monday we (I) got a call in the morning around 10:30 AM. It was the social worker out of Billings asking if it was okay that we were presented to a family. The information I was given about the situation was not unusual so I felt it a little odd she was getting permission. Usually they only call if the situation is very “out of the box”…we had previously defined our box. I told her to go ahead and present us unless she heard back from me, I needed to call Mike. I called Mike and naturally he said absolutely. I didn’t call the SW back as discussed. She called me back about an hour later to get a “verbal confirmation” that we wanted to be presented. Yes!! I said. She said she would call me back either way. I got a call back around 1:30-2:00 PM that we were selected. I was in happy shock! I kind of cried, was speechless, I really don’t remember. I immediately called Mike and told him… he was also in happy shock. I think we still are a little bit.

I have a sneaking suspicion that we were selected prior to the first call from the SW but she just wanted to make sure we were game before she told the birth family. We are traveling on Sunday to Billings, we will be meeting the birth families and making our hospital plan on Monday.

This is what I know about the families. For now I’ll leave names out –
Birth Mother is very young, she just turned 15 on Sunday. She has an older sister who is 18. She lives with her parents who are 100% committed to the adoption plan. They are German, Irish, Norwegian and Swedish decent. BM’s interests are animals and hanging with friends. Her favorite subjects are Art & English, she plays volleyball. She is olive skinned. She is very healthy and has been under the care of a doctor for the entire pregnancy. She will be going back to school when it starts shortly. They have been working with Catholic Social Services for 4 months.

Birth Father is young too. He’s 17. His interests are sports and cars. He’s ‘big boned’ and of Irish, Norwegian and German decent. His sister is very involved in the adoption plan, she is married with children of her own. His mother is a nurse. We don’t have much information on his father.

He’s due October 17th

Statistically 20% of matches don’t end in placement. We’re keeping ourselves a little guarded but are enjoying this time very much. The SW feels the BM is committed to her adoption plan.

Pickles!

We tried a new technique this year...washing machine with a little agitation. It worked wonders, the dirt just fell off - not nearly as much scrubbing!!!

Soaking in the brine

Jars ready to be packed

One can't pickle without a G&T!

We have our process down! Even with a couple newbies we cranked out the jars. Julie, Jen, Hill and I just rocked it. Sue tried to say she wasn't going to do any pickling this year but she was right there with us.

Facebook

It's weird...I took the leap. I don't get it - what's the point? To chat with several people similtaniously? It there more that I'm missing?

I get on our home computer about once every 60 days or so - when I was on last night checking out Facebook I checked my yahoo account and found the funnest series of pics from some dear CA friends...just had to share one.

I try

to keep my blog pretty light and share high lights and on occasion the low lights of our life. Currently I'm feeling...well I can't explain what I'm feeling so I'm going to use this as a place to just jot down my thoughts and maybe get control of things.

Not that things are out of control, it's just we have so many changes and unknowns in our near future - 8 months or so that I'm in a constant state of anxiety, trepidation, unease, apprehension (I think all those words mean the same thing but that's the magnitude of that feeling) and excitement, enthusiasm, anticipation and annoyance, disappointment and anger for the betrayal that has happened to our family in the recent past. You mix all those feelings in my mind and heart and things start to get a little whirly.

We have nothing but positive exciting changes in our future but I'm a planner and as DH lovingly says I'm a "control freak"...I love all the prospects the future holds but hate not having control of when, how, where etc. How do you plan when you don't know what to plan? Not to mention DH is a frustrating pessimist. I love him dearly but sometime want to give him an optimist pill or something. His uncertain faith in the future mixed with my whirly heart and mind make me constantly frazzled.

Mix that with what is/was probably unnecessary stress I added because of the emotions I encountered when I learned of my parents robbery then finally learning their betrayal was from a family member has only added to my frazzledness. It's possible that I feel or get more involved in things than I need to but that is just how I am.

Some of you may think this just sounds like life and I'm over reacting or being to emotional or a drama queen or whatever label you want to put on it. But I assure you I'm not willing these feeling on me and would love to be able to shutdown my mind and head for a few days so I can just rest and recover however, the harder I try the worse I feel and less in control I feel. You may think I should not be such a planner but again that is just how I am not really something I can change. Being and feeling this way is who I am.

I thought with it being summer I would have so much other stuff to focus on and be active enough to keep me occupied. Apparently NOT! We've having a great summer and enjoying all kinds of fun activities but it's not enough to keep me numb from the aforementioned emotions.

DH isn't one to talk things out, I think that has as much to do with him being a man as it does from his history. I'm sure he's feeling the stresses of the next 8 months but I really wouldn't know it.

I don't feel like I'm having a bad run or unhappy it's just such a mix of emotions it's difficult to feel just one thing, content, happy, focused, anything...primarily I'm just feeling emotional and teary.

I'm not looking for sympathy I just need to get this off my chest. So sorry if none of this is clear or you don't understand - it's more for me anyway.

Not Just Honors

But High Honors. DH has gotten word that he will be graduating May of 2010 with High Honors!! Couldn't be prouder of him.

The job hunt is on - it seems that between now and the end of the year our focus will be to find DH the best job offer out there. With any luck (what am I talking about luck - I will make darn sure) by the end of 2009 we'll know what the future holds for us.

Yippee!!!

I read 19 books last night

Granted they were are children's books. All of which were gifted to us at my totally awesome No Baby, Baby Shower on Saturday. The topper is...that's not even all of the books we got! Many of them I didn't read as a youth or just don't remember but now I've read them all!
Hillary did a wonderful job, the food and Champagne flowed freely as did all the packages!!!!
DH and I are so grateful for the generosity of all those near and far to us. THANK YOU!!
I've discovered I have a unique talent of distorting my face when opening packages. I'm posting some of my favorites and funniest!